


The Break

by anothertimeperhaps



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, takes place after chapter 67
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 19:24:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7002241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothertimeperhaps/pseuds/anothertimeperhaps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic follows chapter 67 of the manga- after Eren's rescue from Rod Reiss, he expresses the desire to sacrifice himself, to be eaten so that the Coordinate power can be passed to someone of the Reiss bloodline so that it can be properly used.  Obviously, this plan horrifies his friends, and I wanted to expand upon Armin's reaction to this revelation, as well as what it would be like if Isayama let his characters process their pain and trauma every now and again, dammit.  So yeah, basically Armin confronts Eren about his suicidal plan, and it doesn't go the way he expected....</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Break

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I wanted to write this fic because chapter 66 fucked me up...when Eren cries, I cry. I was also inspired by artist zu-art.tumblr.com, who draws the best damn eremin fanart I've seen. Specifically, this piece: (http://zu-art.tumblr.com/post/107592440816/i-hate-shingeki-no-kyojin) in particular. Thank you for letting me use your drawing as inspiration for this fic :)

They rode at breakneck pace toward Rod Reiss’s monstrous titan form.  It was massive in size, Armin noted, twice that of the Colossal Titan, but far less mobile.  The only thing this creature could do was to drag itself slowly along the ground, alighting everything around it in a ferocious blaze.  Eren and Historia rode in a wagon behind their Captain, along with an injured Hanji, with Armin and Mikasa directly behind them on horseback.  

Though Armin was trying to listen carefully to Squad Leader Hanji’s words, he could barely make them out.  Something about the Coordinate power?  The First King?  He rode slightly closer so he could make out more of the conversation.  

“If the Coordinate power is not utilized by someone of the Reiss bloodline, it cannot exert its true power.” Hanji noted.  Those words struck Armin to his core, and he looked worriedly at Eren.  His best friend wore a blank expression.  He wasn’t afraid, or determined, he just looked...resigned.  

Suddenly, Eren raised his head and spoke.  “There is another option.  If I let that titan eat me, Rod Reiss will become human again, and we will have a complete Coordinate once more.”  

He heard Mikasa’s horrified gasp beside him.  “But, then-”

Captain Levi cut her off.  “If we restrain him after he becomes human again, we could rid him of his brainwashing.  Perhaps, then, a way to save humanity is within our grasp.  So, Eren, are you prepared to do this?”

Eren, for the first time since they had rescued him, wore a determined look on his face.  “Yes,” he said clearly, though he didn’t face Armin or Mikasa when he spoke

Armin didn’t even have to look in Mikasa’s direction to know that her face mirrored his own.  It was  as if someone poured ice water down his veins.  He felt like he was going to be sick.   _No, no,_ he thought to himself.   _This is a sick joke, right? We aren’t-Eren isn’t actually planning on sacrificing himself, is he?_

 

_Some time later, in Orvud District_

 

It was now or never.  The troops were preparing themselves to face the crawling titan, and while they prepared Armin knew he had to speak to Eren. It wasn’t the most opportune time, he was well aware, but he needed to get to the bottom of what Eren had said earlier.  It was eating away at him inside, and he wanted to make sure Eren was okay.  

He sat next to Eren, who was working on fastening some rope.  “Can we talk?”  

Eren froze, staring at his lap.  He knew what this was about, and he feared having this conversation with Armin.  

“Is everything...” Armin twisted his hands uncomfortably.  “Alright.  You know, with you and all.”  

Eren’s face softened.  “Yeah, of course.  It’s like I said before, I’m not hurt. No need to worry about me.”

Armin sighed, turning to face Eren.  “You know that’s not what I mean...I guess, what I’m trying to say, is....Mikasa and I, you really scared us back there.”  Eren winced.  He knew that.  “You were talking about sacrificing yourself, letting yourself be eaten...and all that time, I was thinking to myself....Armin paused, taking a shuddering breath.  “For the people who love you, hearing you talk about yourself that way really hurts.”

Eren stared at the ground, unable to meet his best friend’s searching gaze.  When he next spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper.  “After all this time, I’ve realized something.  I’m really not anything extraordinary at all, am I?”  Eren looked up, making eye contact with Armin.  Tears stung the corners of his eyes.  “So many people...so many have died, because of me.  To protect me, and it turns out I shouldn’t even have this power to begin with.”  Eren gave a hoarse, desperate laugh.

Armin smiled sadly at him.  He saw Eren’s chest heave with grief, and he placed a hand on the center of his back.  “You know, for a long time I felt the same way about you and Mikasa.  The two of you were like heroes to me, always coming to my rescue.  You were so incredible and brave, and I...”  Armin felt his throat form a lump in it.  Moving on his knees, he turned and faced Eren, pressing their foreheads together.  He could hear Eren’s heavy breathing through his tears, and he knew that he himself wasn’t in much better shape.  

Armin began again.  “Every time...every time you go away from us, I miss you so much that I can’t even begin to describe it...but I’d take that pain, a thousand times over, if it meant knowing that you were alive somewhere.  That we could find you, and bring you home.”  

Eren shook, gritting his teeth.  He didn’t want to hear this, but neither did he want to move away from him.  

Still leaned in close, Armin used his thumb to gently wipe away the tears that had collected on Eren’s cheeks.  “Because, you see, you dying would be the worst possible outcome.  For humanity....for your friends...for me....”  Armin bit his lower lip.  “Remember back in Trost, when you saved me from being eaten?  After it swallowed you, after I thought you....” Armin paused, the tears flowing in earnest now.

“Armin...” Eren said his name softly.  “You don’t have to do this.  I know, I know.  I’m so sorry.”  He put a hand on Armin’s neck, one thumb resting on his cheek, drawing them closer together.

“No, you don’t know.”  Armin said, shaking his head.  “Not everything at least.”  Armin paused, no longer able to look Eren in the eye.  “Because, when you died, I thought it would have been better if I’d died with you.  Wished it, even.”

Eren grabbed both of Armin’s wrists.  “No, don’t you ever say that!”  His voice was slightly raised now in his panic.  Had he really been so oblivious? How could he have missed this, and more importantly, “Why are you just telling me this now?”  Eren asked sadly.  “You didn’t have to carry this all by yourself, you know.  If you told me, I could have helped, and-”

Armin chuckled.  “Pot,” he pointed at Eren, “meet kettle.”  He put a hand on his own chest.  “It was for the same reasons as you, you dope.”  He smiled brightly, which Eren thought was rather unusual, given the circumstance.

Eren scratched his head in confusion.  “So what changed?  Why tell me this now, if you didn’t want to before?”

“Because,” Armin cupped Eren’s face in both hands. “I wanted you to know that I got through it.  I don’t feel that way anymore.  That self loathing, that worthlessness, you have to fight it.  You can’t let it consume you.  I simply won’t let it happen.”

Eren smiled.  Armin looked so fiercely determined, it was kind of cute.  He was suddenly aware of how close they were together, and now that neither of them were in need of comforting, the atmosphere had a different feel to it.  Whatever it was, he felt his heart race and his pulse quicken.  

When Eren spoke next, he made sure to choose his words as carefully as possible.  “I can’t promise I’ll never feel this way again.”  He took a breath in and gathered himself.  “These thing I’ve seen...what I’ve done, what I’ve had to do, it’ll probably haunt me for as long as I live.  But, if I do- get that way again, I mean, I know that you’ll be there to give me an amazing, off-the-cuff, Armin-style pep talk!”  Eren grinned.

Armin blushed furiously.  “Really, it was no big deal, there’s no need to-” His words were cut off suddenly as Eren closed the gap between them.  Armin felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest, and he stayed as still as he could, hoping to feel that slight pressure against his lips for as long as possible.  Eren’s lips were slightly chapped, but when he made a move to deepen the kiss Armin felt an unexplainable warmth move through him.

Eren pulled away, his eyes gazing at Armin to gauge his reaction.  “Was that okay?”  He asked quickly.  He was so nervous, it made Armin laugh.  He moved in and wrapped his arms around Eren’s neck.  “You did just fine,” he whispered in his ear.  Armin felt Eren’s arms tighten around his waist, and he had the sense that for now, things were going to be okay.

“Leave it to you two to be playing hanky-panky right before a titan attack.”  The sudden voice made them both flew apart, their cheeks stained red.  Jean looked down on them, a know-it-all grin on his face.  “Man, I knew there was something up with you guys.  Unless this is a new battle strategy, hm Armin?  I knew Eren was having trouble getting hard before, but this-”

“JEAN!”  Armin buried his face in his hands.  This was absolutely mortifying.  

“Oy, shut it horse-face, Eren growled, his annoyance at being interrupted overshadowed by the newfound happiness that was bubbling inside of him.

“Yeah, well, you and shirtless wonder deserve eachother.  Now, if you please, get off your asses and help us with this giant steaming fucker headed right for us!”  Jean spun around, calling over his shoulder.  “Oh yeah, by the way, I’m definitely telling everyone after this.”

“Of course you are.”  Eren mumbled.  Although, if he was honest with himself, this wouldn’t exactly come as a surprise to most of their friends.  He wasn’t oblivious to the rumors about Armin and himself back when they were trainees....

He pulled Armin to his feet, squeezing his hand in his own.

Armin looked on ahead.  “Things will be different this time.”  He said quietly.  

“Hm?”  Eren said, looking curiously at Armin’s face.  

“I mean,” Armin turned back to face Eren.  “We aren’t the same unprepared human race who are facing this titan threat anymore.  Now we have soldiers who know how to fight them.  And those soldiers are us.”  Armin gave Eren a confident look.  

Eren stared back warmly.  “Yeah,” he said.  “Yeah, they are.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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